To sum up our ADHD journey (you can read part 1, part 2, and part 3):
- We discovered our older son, Morgan has ADHD in 3rd grade (5 years ago now)
- We tried one class of ADHD medication (there are 4 classes of medication). It worked great for helping him focus and sit still, but it had the side effect of making him extremely agitated and angry–especially in the afternoon/evening time.
- We tried a second class of ADHD medication. It didn’t work as well and it had the horrible side effect of making him feel very depressed and despairing his life.
- We took him off all medication.
So after the fiasco with dealing with his depression, counseling and just deciding to go cold turkey with no medication–he struggled quite a bit the rest of his 6th grade year. We honestly considered holding him back, but with the emotional turmoil he had experienced, we ultimately decided to give him the summer to recover and then pushed on to 7th grade.
Over the summer I met with a dear friend/former neighbor who also has a son (a few years older) with ADHD. She too had rejected medication, but had run across an article that suggested a more natural approach through vitamins–it also has some GREAT information about ADD/ADHD and even other dietary suggestions (you can read that here). I won’t lie–it’s A LOT of vitamins. But, I did see a difference in Morgan when he started back to school. Around our fall break time, I asked him if he thought it was making a difference–he didn’t think so. Just to test it out–I cut out the vitamins for a couple of months. Once again, he started falling behind and struggling. So, just before this whole Coronavirus hit–I had put him back on the vitamins and he had two REALLY good weeks right before they shut down our school. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to truly test it out until next school year, but I am very hopeful.
Here are the things I’ve learned in having a child with ADHD:
- You must constantly advocate for your child. Teachers are busy–and even though 504 plans are all nice and make parents feel good–even the best ones rarely remember to implement them. I have to keep on top of it and make sure he is getting the accomadations that are promised.
- Stay in touch with all the teachers. I do this for several reasons: I want them to see that I am involved and care about his classroom performance. I want to work WITH them in helping my son be the best he can be. I also want them to see Morgan through my eyes. I am not blind to my son’s humanity–I know he is probably VERY hard to teach. Most teachers are really good at what they do–they are so merciful and kind. But others…..well, I feel that they seem to only see the negative and don’t even try to get to know him. These are the ones that push him pretty hard, have very little tolerance and often make matters worse. I try really hard to not be “that mom”, but sometimes it’s necessary–if nothing else but to make sure he is always treated with respect and dignity.
- Keep at it. Trial and error is the name of the game. As you can tell–we have tried a lot of different things. There is no magic formula since every child is different and there is so many levels of this. It’s not a race, it’s all about finding what’s going to work best and keep at it until you do.
- Be patient. Kids that struggle with ADD/ADHD often feel like failures. Most of the people in their lives are constantly riding them, losing their patience with them, and even giving up on them. I admit–I get frustrated with Morgan A LOT. But, getting angry, yelling, nagging, blackmailing, and bribing don’t work. Trust me– I have tried it all. What does work is patience, repetition, and grace–lot’s and lot’s of grace.
- Pray. God designed Morgan and He knows EXACTLY what he needs. I am constantly seeking God on how to be the best Momma to him that I can be and praying that He leads Morgan in becoming all he was created to be.
- Don’t be afraid to try medication. There are so many choices and LOTS of folks have great results with it. We had the option of trying a 3rd class of medicine, but right now there are no generic versions of it and it’s astronomically priced. If they ever offer it in a less expensive form, I will definitely give it a try–but, with eyes WIDE open to potential side effects.
- There is A LOT of information out there. I think it’s important to talk to your physician about options, but also do your research. Talking to fellow parents has helped me more than anything.
- There are many natural treatments. Some I found are:
- The vitamin regimen I mentioned above (there are several variations on this).
- All the experts recommend making sure to get good rest, take it easy on sugar (and some say even gluten), get plenty of exercise, and limit screen time.
- There are some great articles on brain training as being effective for kids (and adults) with ADD/ADHD. I looked into a couple of local programs that offer this–but found it is pretty expensive (around $400/month). It may be something we try in the future.
Probably the biggest lesson I have learned lately is that I have to ultimately help Morgan learn to manage himself. I have been watching over him like a hawk for years and it has become increasingly apparent that I need to back off. A close friend (and fellow mother of a child who struggles) told me her biggest regret is that she didn’t allow her son to fail more and face the consequences of his failures. She encouraged me to start backing off and stop bailing him out. If he forgets to do assignments and fails a class–so be it. He’ll most likely have to deal with this his whole life, so if he’s going to be successful–he’s needs to learn to OWN his success.
I would love to hear from you on any experiences you have had with your children and I pray that what I have shared has been a help to anyone who also has a child (children) with ADD/ADHD.