As an adult, I have learned that change is inevitable–but, I have to confess I still fight against it like a two year old throwing an epic tantrum. When I find something that I enjoy, I want it to last forever.
Fall is one of those things I enjoy and it has finally arrived here in Colorado. If you’ve never gotten to experience seeing our aspen trees turn to bright gold–you are missing something very special.
I enjoy this season for so many reason and it’s not because of the arrival of Starbucks pumpkin spice latte’s (blech!). It’s just something about the beauty that only lasts for a short time as the leaves turn, the winds blow and the arrival of cooler temperatures finally arrive.
But, I’ve noticed that this time of year always makes me feel a bit melancholy too. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s time to pack away all of the fun and carefreeness of summer or the getting back into a routine or if it’s something deeper. A sadness washes over me as I look around and realize that in a very short time–all of the beautiful leaves will be gone. The changing season is both beautiful and sad at the same time.
All this visual change going on around me got me to thinking about a bigger change going on in our lives–my boys are growing up. Seemingly over night they changed from being these darling little pudgy toddlers to long legged scrawny smart alecks.
It’s all happening a lot faster than I’m ready for, but it’s such a golden time. They’re old enough to do a lot of things on their own, but they still really enjoy being with us. And even though they are looking more grown up, they are still little boys on the inside–loving to immerse themselves in pretending and playing. Epic nerf battles can break out at any moment, they still love dressing up as super heroes and villains and sometimes they will say and do the sweetest most thoughtful things that just melt my heart and then belch out the loudest burp or crop dust the slinkiest toot giggling the whole time. I long for them to stay young, to stay with us, and to never leave.
I was on one of my daily hikes the other day –lost in thought as I trudged along. There was one spot that grabbed my attention where the the ground plants had turned and were all lit up with gold–just a beautiful sight.
I stood there just enjoying and soaking in the moment and I realize that’s what I want right now with my boys–to freeze frame this time and not rush through and get to the end of it and realize I missed it.
Now, I’m not saying that every day I’m going to wake up and be all Pollyanna Sunshine (they have learned that mornings will never be my most cheerful time of day–esp. before coffee) or stare at them endlessly in hopes of memorizing every moment (I’m pretty sure this would creep them out). Life is busy and time moves forward whether we’re ready or not. The leaves will fall and drop to the ground and blow away. My boys will eventually grow up and become men and move out. But, just for now–just in this moment, I want to enjoy this time and hang on to it for as long as I can.