The year was 2011. My boys were 2 and 4 and –for reasons I can’t explain– I became obsessed with the idea of needing an obnoxiously huge SUV. I was fixated on wanting a car with an optional 3rd row seat. Looking back I think I was secretly hoping to add to our family, but knew I hadn’t quite talked Super Rockstar into it. So, instead, I slyly suggested the tank size vehicle as a means of being a “good neighbor mom”–you know the kind that always is available to carpool all the kids around. (like that EVER happened)
Super Rockstar gave in (very reluctantly) to the purchase of a used Dodge Durango. I don’t know what those cars look like now, but the one I owned was large enough to need it’s own airplane hanger. Later that year when we decided to add some larger rocks to our landscape–I knew it would be no trouble at all to pick them up at one of the local landscape yard with my boys in tow in my enormous ride while Super Rockstar was at work.
Now, everyone knows that driving over the scale to be weighed at the landscape yard is of premium importance before loading whatever material you plan to pick up. With their super size scale they weigh your car and all in it (Is it an itemized calculation of each individual in the car too?)(Asking for a friend) then after you load your materials, they weigh it all again and charge accordingly.
The scale is usually right next to their sales building but, at this particular one–there was also a dirt ramp leading up to it and then another dirt ramp leading down. They also added a nice touch with big boulders lining the ramps–I’m sure it was for the purposes of keeping the ramps from eroding, but either way–they looked kind of nice too.
After loading my rock, I drove back to the scale to get the final weight so I could pay the nice fellows and be on our merry way. Having two little boys is always a thrill at places like this (dirt and rocks–how can you go wrong?), but it was close to nap time and my two little angels were getting a little cranky and a bit overbearing. So, as I was driving down the ramp to head home, I can’t say that I was exactly on my “A”game.
I turned to the right toward the exit and my big size beast came to a halt. I pressed on the gas and my engine just revved. No movement at all. “Ok”, I thought, “maybe there’s a bump I didn’t remember”. So I tried to back up. I couldn’t get it to budge.
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Now would be as good a time as any to inform you that my behemoth on wheel had numerous blind spots. Hitting “bumps” was not exactly an unusual occurrence. I am happy to report that no living thing was ever harmed during my brief ownership period–but several curbs, our garage entrance, and oh, maybe a bush here and there were the unfortunate causalities of me driving my big rig.
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At this moment, I look up and see all four gentlemen from the sales office come out the door, mouths gaping and looking bewildered. I get out of my car and see nothing of significance. I look at them, they are staring at me, and as I circle around to the front of the car–it becomes pretty clear, what the problem was.
That “bump” I thought I hit? Remember the functional yet fetching boulders I mentioned that lined the ramp? Yep. My car was sitting–quite squarely– right on top of one. I had made the turn too soon and high sided on the boulder. My car was stuck like a beached whale. I honestly can’t remember if I laughed or cried. My face was crimson with embarrassment and I just wanted to get unstuck and out of there as quickly and with as minimal damage as possible. I could already picture the incredulous disbelief on Super Rockstar’s face (pretty similar to the four faces now staring back at me). And the stuttering inquiry of “How did……?” “How could you not see the…..?” “How is this even possible?!”
As I looked imploringly at each one of them–desperately seeking some solution–there was only silence, shaking of heads and a lot of shoulder shrugging. One kind fellow finally found his voice and squeeked out “Maybe you could put it in 4 wheel drive and we can try pushing you back while you reverse and hit the gas?” Since my rear tires were still planted firmly on the ground that seemed as good an idea as any. I was a little nervous about my boys being in the back during all of this, but they seemed to be pretty oblivious to the fact that anything was going on (thankfully). I got in, put it in 4 wheel drive, gunned the engine as the young men pushed with all their strength and with a big “kerthump” my great whale was free.
I rolled down my window, shouted out a quick “Thank You!” (I couldn’t even bring myself to make eye contact) and zoomed out of there as quickly as I could–vowing to never return.