Full disclosure. Back in January, I had what I thought was a great idea for a blog post–to write about how I’m approaching this year with my list of goals and dreams. As I finished and was just about to hit publish–I vaguely remembered writing about this topic in the past. Not only did I find that I had written about this before–it was a very detailed 3-parter from back in 2020 (you can read it here: Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3). The most agonizing part was discovering that my list had not changed much at all. In other words–I haven’t achieved goals and dreams I set for myself over 5 years ago (some go back much, much further).
I wish I could tell you that after much soul searching, I came up with some amazing formula that I guarantee is going to work. I didn’t. I felt completely dumbfounded and realized that I may have nothing at all useful to say on the topic. Maybe I should just skip it. Instead, I decided to take a little time, do a little research and find out what the experts have to say about how to be successful in reaching goals. It occurred to me that I might not be the only one who struggles in this area (please don’t tell me if I am the only one).
I stumbled across several articles that I found helpful. Most of them said the same things, but this one resonated the most with me:–The Science of Achievement: 7 Research-Backed Tips to Set Better Goals – Scott H Young . It gets to the heart of perhaps why I’m stuck. I’ve always been a good list maker, but not very good at being a list completer–mostly because my goals are admittedly often too vague or so big that I can’t see a way to achieve them. In the past, just writing them down seemed like a positive step toward making them happen. But the whole–“If you build it, they will come” (or in my case If I write them down, they will happen) logic apparently doesn’t apply to achieving goals and dreams.
My older son, Morgan and I are so much alike when it comes to wanting to better ourselves. We both have huge amounts of high hopes and aspirations, but little bitty amounts of oomph to do what those aspirations require day in day out. We both get easily distracted, bored and uninspired. He recently was lamenting about slipping into old bad habits and messing up. Again. He asked me for help in the way only a teenager knows how to: “I need you to MAKE me do it Momma.” I just laughed. Sometimes I wish someone would “make me” too.
That’s just life, isn’t it? We all have days where we just don’t feel like it, obstacles we hadn’t anticipated get thrown in our paths, and sometimes, no matter how hard we try, it just doesn’t work out the way we planned. So, what do we do? Give up? Scrap it? Procrastinate it? That’s certainly a choice. But then, like me–you may find yourself years from now with a list of things you really want to accomplish that’s still undone.
I just don’t have it in me to give up and quit. That being said–I AM willing to try to do things a little differently this year. So rather than just making a list (of apparently the same things from years past) and hoping for the best, I’m going to follow the advice I read in the article I shared above.
- I wrote down a list of hard, but believable goals. None are earth shattering, but all are things I really want to get done this year.
- I’m using the 80% rule. If I stick with it 80% of the time–that’s better than the 0% I had been doing.
- I’m not setting specific deadlines. I always knew that deadlines were bad for me, but I couldn’t ever tell you why. It turns out, that by putting specific timelines for certain goals–it was causing me stress. Which led to procrastination and even quitting. I’m giving myself the gift of what I’ve needed–wide open spaces of time so I can use my imagination and come up with creative solutions.
- I’m visualizing failure. This one is not a stretch for me. Since I’ve experienced failure for several years in a row, I know it doesn’t feel good. I want to know what completion and success feels like. Getting to cross these items off the list permanently–that’s what’s motivating me.
- I’m not sharing my specific goals with anyone. I think I’ve experienced too many times of telling others my grand intentions only to have to face the embarrassment of falling flat on my face when I don’t follow through. It’s best for me to just zip my lips for now.
- I’m breaking down my goals and holding myself accountable. I decided to do quarterly goals rather than one big list for the year. It makes it seem more doable and less intimidating. I’m also making the steps toward reaching these goals new habits for every day. It’s not easy and some days it’s annoying. But I’m hoping that in time–working at these things will become a natural part of my life.
- I’m setting goals I want to achieve (not just those I feel I should). If I’m only trying to impress others or if I am doing things out of guilt–it’s not going to work.
It’s not some magic formula for success–I realize that I’m the same ole me and I have to be willing to just do the thing. If all goes well, maybe I’ll get to write a post at the end of this year showing you my list with each and every item crossed off. Here’s to hoping.