Seven Things I’ve Learned About Motherhood

Just a little over 13 years ago, I was privileged (and thrilled) to join the exclusive club of motherhood.  I still remember how it felt to celebrate my very first official Mother’s Day.  Over the years I’ve learned that motherhood is NOTHING like what I thought it would be. There is no more thinking about just myself–everything for the rest of my life is ALL about my children and my family. I’m far from being an expert (that’s parenting lesson 101–there are no experts), but these are things I’ve learned in my years so far:

1.It’s all about life or death. Motherhood has been the BEST thing in my life, but it is also the most exhausting. No one could have prepared me for how I would live each day with the agony of second guessing every decision of my life. It’s all weighted with the fear of whether or not what I am doing is good for my children or will kill them. There is no middle ground.

2. It goes so fast. With each stage there has always been a wise, more experienced mother (usually my own) saying things like”The days are long, but the years are short”. Oh boy is that true.  Just when you think they won’t ever potty train–one day they do. And then you blink and they are riding a bike with no training wheels.  One more blink and they are as tall as you and now have a voice you don’t recognize any more. I don’t dare shut my eyes again.  I’m not ready.

3. The not so awesome parts. Some days, it’s hard to imagine what joy there is in being a mother. Like when I just finished cleaning the house 5 minutes earlier and now it’s covered in the chaos of a bajillion toys and sticky messes. What is there to enjoy about that? But those, I realize, are the tough days– and I have learned that they come and go. Each stage has had some sort of not-so-fun part.  With newborns, there was no sleep. With toddlers, there were embarrassing temper tantrums. With school, there are calls from the principal’s office.  And now– with a tween and a teen, there are the worst smells ever known to man wafting through my home. My mom has always told me “this too shall pass” And she’s right. I’m just ready for the use of soap and deodorants to take hold.

4. The awesome parts. To balance it out, God gives us the magical days. Those moments when your precious newborn looks at you for the first time and smiles. Or, your toddler who just spilled red juice all over the carpet, goes to the backyard, picks a flower for you and tells you how much he loves you. Or, like yesterday morning when my 13-year old gave me a long lingering hug in the morning. I just about cried as I realized that I used to have to reach down to him for a hug and now he has to reach down to me.

5. Momma guilt. The part of motherhood that took me completely by surprise is how much guilt I feel every day. I have zero confidence in my abilities and I never know if I’m doing it right or not.  There’s so many decisions to make: When they’re infants–is breast milk or formula better? Do you sleep train or co-sleep? For toddlers–do you discipline with spankings, time outs, logical discussions? Do you put them in daycare/preschool or stay at home? For school age–do you go public or private or homeschool? Should you sign up for sports and music lessons? How do you choose? For tweens and teens–When do you have “the talk”, do you let them go to overnight camps? Is there a way to explain about puberty without it being embarrassing? There are 1000’s of books that have “experts” telling you what is best (not to mention family members, friends, and complete strangers). All you need to know–is that you’re going to feel like most everything you’re doing is wrong and you WILL feel guilty about it.

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6.You’re doing it right. One of the most important lessons I am learning is that yes–there are 1000’s of ways to do things, but my way is what is best for my boys. If I could go back and caution myself on any one thing on motherhood, it would be to stop listening to so many opinions.  Momma guilt comes naturally–no need to feed it with the poison of comparison too.  My boys are healthy, happy, and doing great.  At the end of the day–that’s what matters the most.

7. Grace and Mercy are what it’s all about. I make mistakes–hundreds of them. When I have goofed up by losing my temper or forgot something important, or (just fill in the blank)–yes, they get hurt and upset, BUT (and this is HUGE) kids are VERY forgiving and gracious. When I apologize for my mistake–their forgiveness has always been immediate and sincere.  In an instant it is all forgotten and everyone moves on.  For me, it has become such a picture of how God forgives us–maybe that’s why He allows us to become mothers in the first place. Some lessons are only learned by example.

I read somewhere that being a mother is like wearing your heart outside your body at all times.  That is so true. In no other area do I feel constantly exposed, threatened, and vulnerable.  But, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the whole wide world.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Momma’s out there!