Does anyone else feel like we’re living in an episode of Twilight Zone right now? I wake up every morning and fully expect for someone to tell us this has all been a test (and obviously we failed) (hoarding toilet paper….really?!) or that it’s just been an elaborate hoax and–they got us. Don’t we feel silly? Now, let’s get back to our normal lives please.
I’ve found myself dealing with a lot of emotions as we found out we are on “shelter in place” orders for at least another month. It all just feel so bizarre. I’ve noticed a lot of extreme behavior on social media too and it made me realize we’re all suffering a bit of shock right now. Back in 1969 a psychiatrist named Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a book On Death and Dying. In it she outlines 5 stages of grief that people go through in dealing with a loss of a loved one (later it was refined and included 7 stages).
Most of us aren’t dealing with the death of loved ones right now (I know some of you are). But, we are dealing with a VERY upsetting and scary event going on. These stages have been used over the past years to help many folks recognize that any time major life shifts happen –it can set in motion these Stages of Grief. Whether it’s a loss of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of a relationship, and yes–even loss of normal life as we have always known it. Whether we realize it or not–most of us are going through some sort of grieving process right now.
We recently watched an episode of Frasier (one of my all time favorites if you need another show to binge watch). In season 6 episode 1 Frasier gets unexpectedly fired from his beloved radio talk show. His way of coping is a hilarious and dramatic showing of the Stages of Grief. Maybe you and I won’t be quite as extreme as he is (I’m teetering pretty close), but it seems like a good time to do some self reflection. It might help to see where you are on the list and what the next phase looks like–kind of like a game or something. (See? I just gave you another fun family activity to do)
The Stages of Grief (and my personal take on how we as a society seem to be coping with the Coronavirus COVID-19)
- Shock: The initial paralysis at hearing the bad news. “What?! How can there be something THAT serious? It can’t be worse than the flu–the flu has a MUCH higher death rate”(meanwhile every roll of toilet paper, bottle of hand sanitizer, and all surgical masks are completely wiped out)
- Denial. Trying to avoid the inevitable. “Let’s make this fun! OK everyone–here’s every crafting, homeschooling, cooking, baking, exercising, and suggestion on shows/movies to watch that has ever existed. Let’s DO this! (as every grocery store is raided and not a single non perishable item is left on the shelves)
- Anger: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion. “Can they really MAKE us stay home?” (places of business/bars/schools have shut down)(the extroverts among us are getting antsy, so they have made up games on social media to connect with others as much as possible)(bless their hearts)
- Bargaining: Seeking vain for a way out. “I will NEVER complain about having to go to the office, school, or the gym ever, ever again!”(these sentiments have been echoed a time or two in our home)(my oldest–the one who hates school–now regrets how many times he has said those words. He’s worried that this is somehow his fault)(Is it mean that I haven’t corrected him? This is kind of the perfect Momma guilt trip moment–“be careful what you wish for, son”)
- Depression: Final realization of the inevitable. “All our plans are cancelled–no prom, no field trips, no birthday parties, no weddings, no graduations, no going out to see the best band in town–SofaKillers play, no seeing friends at school/church/work. This REALLY stinks!” (Only, most of us don’t say the word “stinks”) (We feel stuck, trapped, and the reality has started to sink in)(Some are suggesting that this really is a hoax or an elaborate government test gone horribly wrong)(anything is possible, but I think this is just some folks way of coping with this new reality we are now in)(Tiger King is now the most watched show that everyone is talking about–evidence that we’ve sunk to an all time low as a society)(Also, is anyone wearing real clothes anymore?)
- Testing: Seeking realistic solutions. “What if–I make the best of this? Maybe– I needed to slow down and not be so busy. It’s possible–they can find a solution more quickly than we think.” (This is the part that helps us propel forward. If you get stuck in stage 5–it’s not good. Find someone to talk to if you’re having trouble moving on from the sadness and anger) (Moving on to this stage gives us much needed hope, lifts our spirits, and helps us to look for solutions)(and it keeps me from continually reaching for that giant bag of peanut M&M’s I now regret purchasing) (also, it’s time to take a shower and put real clothes on again).
- Acceptance. Finally, finding the way forward. “Well, it is what it is–we might as well make the best of it. Now, where did I save that ‘102 activities for kids to do so they don’t drive you crazy’ article?”(This is when you realize that yes–something bad has happened, but no–it does not mean that your life is over. It just means your life has changed).
It seems to me that we are somewhere in the middle of Stage 5. I worry about us right now, because getting stuck here could be really dangerous for some. I absolutely have LOVED seeing all the encouragers come out of the wood work in this whole thing. You know who you are–the ones sharing the hilarious memes, speaking kind words, contributing ideas, offering help and finding ways to see this no good situation in a more positive light. You truly are what Mr. Rogers called–“the helpers”. We need that so much right now.
The great news is–we WILL get through this. This WILL come to an end. I think the most important thing right now is for us all to:
- Pray
- Hold our loved ones close.
- Help those in need.
- Share what we have.
- Encourage those among us that are feeling down and lonely–a call/text/email can go a long way.
I’m here if you need me.