“You are so stupid!”
“Seriously! You are the dumbest thing on this planet!”
“Shut up! My gosh, why do you have to blather on so much?! Don’t you realize how annoying you are?!
“You are a waste of time and space!”
These were the thoughts going through my head as I sat in my car a few months ago. I had just snuck out of my Bible study group–leaving early. Again. The discussion questions had been great, but–as usual–I felt like I shared too much, didn’t listen enough, and felt embarrassed for being such a social blunder (I’m a blurter). I know we all have insecurities and doubts about ourselves that manifest themselves in different ways–negative self talk just happens to be mine (yay).
This past spring I completed a Beth Moore study, The Quest. At the beginning of the study she poses a series of questions that believers in Christ should be asking ourselves.–regarding all the “noise” bombarding us in our daily lives. There was one that struck me like a gong– “Who told you that?” Going back to the scene of me sitting in my car–I realized not a single person has ever said any of those hateful things that were going on in my head. Never once. So, where did I get the idea? Who told me that?
You and I both know the answer. It’s the same one who might be telling you: “You’re not enough–you need to do more and be more.” or “Trying is a waste of time. It’s just going to fail anyway–why bother?” He is called many names: Satan, the Devil….but Father of Lies is the most accurate. In John 8:44 it says “when he lies he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” He will do whatever it takes to sideline us our entire lives–for me that includes him whispering flat out lies about who I am and how I believe others view me.(I really, really, REALLY hate this)
But, here’s the good news: none of us has to listen to him. Long ago, I made the biggest decision of my life. I admitted to God that I was a sinner and I accepted His Son Jesus as my Savior. In the moment I made that decision–something incredible happened–not only was I completely forgiven of ALL my sins, but I was also given instant access to a personal relationship with God. With that came power. When I am crippled with negative self talk and lying voices in my head–all I have to do is resist the devil and like a vapor–he flees out of my presence (James 4:7).(I always like to imagine that there is some sort pain involved for him when I do this–is that wrong?)
I’m tired of giving him so much of my brain space. I’m tired of trying to fight him on my own. And that’s the other piece of good news–I don’t have to.
In Ephesians. 6:11-12 it says:
“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
We’ve been given a set of Armor –think of it as an outfit (who doesn’t love a new clothes?) BUT–we have to put it on. And not just part of it–you have to put on the FULL Armor of God (Eph. 6:10-20):
Belt of Truth: Know the truth. Tell the truth. Live the truth.
Breastplate of Righteousness: Do what is right. You know what this means–just do it.
Feet shod in the Gospel of Peace: Get along with others. Don’t stir up strife.
Shield of Faith: Believe that God is who He says He is.
Helmet of Salvation: Accepting Jesus as your Savior is THE single most important and best decision you will ever make in your life.
Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God: READ YOUR BIBLE. The Word of God is powerful. Never forget that.
Pray: Talk to God–He sees you wherever you go and knows your every thought–you might as well talk to Him about it.
As I sat in my car stewing in self loathing, I awakened to exactly what was going on. I came to my senses and literally shouted out loud to the devil: “SHUT UP!!!!! Leave me alone!” I then started yelling out loud every Bible verse I could think of that told about who I am according to God (here is a list author Neil Anderson compiled). In an instant the negative voices in my head were gone.
Do they still come back? Of course. Satan is like a pesky fly–he is relentless in trying to annoy, pester, derail, and attack me. BUT, I have become a lot more aware of his tactics and have become more quick at raising my shield to deflect those fiery darts. And one day–very soon–he will be squashed and destroyed for eternity.